Funny New Years Resolution Quotes by Robert Clark, Mark Twain, Jon Stewart, Jay Leno, Cyril Cusack, John Selden and many others.
I would say happy new year, but it’s not happy; it’s exactly the same as last year except colder.
New Year’s is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.
What you do for Jewish New Year is you go down to Times Square. It’s a lot quieter than the regular New Year. It’s just a few Jews walking around going, “sup?”
New Year’s Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.
If you asked me for my New Year Resolution, it would be to find out who I am.
Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it’s twice as onerous a duty.
May the New Year bring you courage to break your resolutions early! My own plan is to swear off every kind of virtue, so that I triumph even when I fall!
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
Celebrate what you want to see more of.
I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.
Let each new year find you a better person.
For last year’s words belong to last year’s language And next year’s words await another voice.
Many years ago I resolved never to bother with New Year’s resolutions, and I’ve stuck with it ever since.
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.
Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.
Year’s end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.