Groucho Marx Quotes

She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.

This isn’t a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others merely by getting a law passed.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

I didn’t like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions – the curtain was up.

Women should be obscene and not heard.

I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.

There’s one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him. If he says, ‘Yes,’ you know he is a crook.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

What have future generations ever done for us?

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.

Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse!

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

My favourite poem is the one that starts ‘Thirty days hath September’ because it actually tells you something.